“the apartment we won’t share—I wonder what sad wife lives there? have the windows deciphered her stares? do the bricks in the walls know to hide the affairs?”

https://open.spotify.com/track/2uOEendbLHR18khIbwooJ1?si=mAtoQoBUTDiF_E9ZLWdgqw

cw: almost-accident. May, 2024.

Alexa learned through her therapist that the ability to say ‘no’ was equivalent to one’s way of setting healthy boundaries and view of self-worth. “You can say ‘no’ to things that don’t serve you purpose, that bring you harm rather than goodness.”

She had been trying to say ‘no’ for hundred of times since then; and yet until this very day, the only one who still didn’t know what her ‘no’ sounded like was none other than Nicholas Owen.

Because—if he knew the sound of her ‘no’, she would not be inside this empty apartment with him and someone who appeared to be an interior designer.

Nicholas arrived from his Europe trip two weeks ago and he appeared in Alexa’s unit the next morning, right after Atlas left. Alexa was definitely not prepared to face Nicholas, especially when the wound from the night when he hung up on her was still fresh.

Arguments ensued and it always ended up the same: she forgave him, they made love, she woke up questioning herself while trying to wash away every feelings left on her skin. When she finished showering, Nicholas already made her a breakfast and asked her to come with him somewhere.

And of course, she could not say no. The logical part of her brain cried a useless cry: what are we doing here? To which she answered, I don’t know either. She felt like she had been programmed to say yes to whatever Nicholas asked her to do.

Self-worth, out the window.

“So, the exact style you want it modern mid-century, am I correct?”

Nicholas nodded with a smile, and his gaze landed on clueless Alexa. “Yes, something with more… warmth. I know this place is literally a blank canvas, but I would love to change the paint on the wall and the flooring as well. I need this place to have more characters.”

The designer took a quick glance around the room and nodded in agreement. “Few addition of vivid colors and natural wood will make this place warmer, I suppose. Do you like the green color, like the top your wife is wearing?”

Alexa turned her head to the door at the speed of light upon hearing the word ‘wife’—but there was no Bianca in sight, and somehow she was relieved that chaos didn’t choose to ensue today. She glanced back to the designer and Nicholas, who both were looking at her in bright eyes.

“Yes, I love that kind of green.”

Alexa was stunned at Nicholas’ answer. Why wasn’t he correcting the designer? She was not the wife of the house. She was not the lover. Not even a girlfriend.

What am I, Ash?

“Excellent taste, Nic. I’ll build the color palette and the mood around that color, I’ll suggest the style of the furniture and what fabrics or materials should go with it, and I’ll get back to you in a week to discuss more about the project.”

They were walking towards the door while discussing few details that Alexa didn’t quite catch, for she was still trying to understand what was happening here. “Same time, next week?”