“whisper woven in the trees with every breath you offer me—I’d forest every memory, if I could have you always.”

https://open.spotify.com/track/32iCUAAgF1AqshcB3Tqhyt?si=n5aNQIQ0QnK9HA5R9V09MA

September, 2024.

Today seemed like a typical Wednesday; Atlas left work early to take Puspa to the hospital, gloomy sky of Jakarta accompanied them along the way. They were talking about so many things during the ride to her dialysis treatment—Atlas' work, new restaurant they wanted to try after the treatment, Alexa, and Kai's wedding. Apparently, Kai and Rashi chose to skip the engagement ceremony and opted to go straight for the wedding, because he already proposed to Rashi at her favorite park.

Atlas was not keen to talk about the last part—but for all the right reason, he couldn’t show his true feelings to Puspa. Not when her excitement could be seen clearly through the blushing pink that decorated her cheeks, the way she was high on energy even with her poor condition. She was late to her treatment this week, and usually it would result in pale skin and weak movement; but today, she was lively.

It was such a lovely sight to see, despite the reason being the one thing that made Atlas want to jump off from the edge of a cliff.

“Kamu pas ke NY kemarin sempet ketemu calonnya nggak, Al? How was she?”

Atlas cleared the pain off of his throat before he decided to settle on a white lie. “I didn't get to see her, Ma. Kai said she was out of town when I arrived.”

“I haven't met her either, but knowing her parents, I know she's raised really well. I truly can't wait, Al. Kapan sih anak itu baliknya? Kan biar segera nyusun acaranya, gitu.”

His knuckles were turning white as he unknowingly gripped his steering wheel strongly. His head ached, and so did his heart. He tried his best to focus on the road ahead, even when he felt like crashing.

“Emang Kai belum bilang sama Mama?”

“Katanya sih bulan ini, tapi belum ada tanggal pasti. Masih handover kerjaan, katanya.”

He had not heard anything from Kai since August—right after his birthday—but he couldn’t tell Puspa that. For the life of him, he was never absent of knowledge when it came to Kai. When something happened, he always found out first, and he knew the complete story. He was the one who knew Kai best, the one who finished his sentence for him, the one who knew his likes and dislikes—like how he liked his eggs on his morning toast (scrambled with loads of butter), and why he preferred How I Met Your Mother more than Friends. Yet, the one who got to spend forever with him was a stranger he just met.

And for what? For a lack of bravery, masked as altruism?

“Atlas, you're okay? You look… tense.”

Atlas gave her a faint smile. He could not bear to tell her the truth now, but he was tired to keep everything hidden inside a box. People said that truth would set you free, and Atlas had wanted to be free for so long.

“Abis Mama treatment, kita ngobrol ya, Ma.”

—