“And if I was a fool for you, I’d wait 500 million hours on a park bench out on the moon; but in full view of what you are.”

https://open.spotify.com/track/6ZGgaShxOimGDfRz1T1zje?si=ef39d05403674796

unsent letters of Atlas and Alexa.

[Atlas’ letters]

Dear, Mama Puspa.

I’m sorry that it took me more than a decade to reply to your last letter. I know you’d be livid that the first word I said was “I’m sorry”, and then you’d tell me that I said it too much sometimes. I know, repeating words too often will make it loses its meaning; however, I kept repeating your words inside my head, and each echo keeps adding more meaning instead. Especially the part where you said that you knew what kind of love I’m capable of giving.

Despite all the heartbreaks and all the love I have given, I regret nothing.

Maybe it’s easier for me to say, now that life finally gave me the full picture of it. It was harder back then, but yet again, you were always right about everything. And in this case, you were right about Alexandra, Ma. I remembered you telling me to hold onto her, and I did. I also remembered I told you that she’s the light at the end of the tunnel, and here we are, Ma;

At the end of the tunnel.

You always told me that things would always fall into place, even if it took time to fall. Well, I’m glad that I waited, because everything that I have right now, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Everything that I have right now had made sense to every lost battle, every scars, every turn. Dare I say, I would go through it all over again just to get to where I am right now.

I know you’re looking at me with pride, aren’t you now?

Ma, I also finally finished reading the manuscript you entrusted to me. I remembered reading it up to the part where you said that you believed we all belong to something greater than just this world. That’s why people need to hold onto something—faith, beliefs, rituals, deities. And you didn’t recommend any of it, other than this one thing: love.

As cliche as it may sound, but it was the truest thing. As long as we hold onto love, the truest form of it; no heartbreak will ever stop us from trying again.

And as you know, I’m quite the master at trying.

With this letter, I was actually asking you permission to publish your manuscript, but also please allow me to give more life into it by adding the pictures Alexa took into your writing. I wish two of you had more time to get to know each other, but I believe you are hanging out together now in heaven, so you can ask her directly which pictures I’m gonna put into the book. However, I just want to let you know that there were a lot of red strings between your writing and her picture—she, too, was someone who believed in love, Ma.

I’m gonna donate the proceedings of your book to make better life for the orphaned kids; just like how you turned my life for the better.

Lastly, I want to ask you for one more favor: please look after Alexandra in heaven until I come get her ya, Ma. In the meantime, I’ll take care of our daughter here on Earth.