“I know that you don’t; but if I ask you if you love me, I hope you lie to me.”

https://open.spotify.com/track/0oX4kLiXk2hqlhdXddedhC?si=Iw3_b8IGRiWc4aQQMmt3Ng

He’s beaming when he sees me.

I can see that he’s tired of the long flight, but his eyes light up when he sees me. He envelops me inside the warmest hug—but I’m breaking apart. Takes everything in me to hold back my tears and put a smile so he won’t notice the storm inside me.

I love you.

He proceeds to kiss me on my forehead, and then he fills me in with all the details of Paris. The croissant I told him to try, the books he got for me, the apron his Grandma made for me. He got a new inspiration to paint and he couldn’t wait to start as soon as possible. By the time our food arrived, I still don’t feel better. Feels like I’m carrying a mountain above my shoulder and my bones are about to snap.

I love you.

He notices it. He pushes the pause button on the remote control, and he gives his full attention at me. I want to vomit as I’m gathering every piece of me—but his gaze, his gaze… The way he’s staring at me, I would never in my whole life find someone who will look at me in the way he does.

“Are you okay, Oceanna? It feels like you’re… floating. Feels like you’re not here with me somehow.”

I look at him in his eyes—and the thread snaps. I can feel that he’s shocked with my sudden outburst, but I still can’t find the words in me to utter the cause. I can’t—I can’t keep him in the dark, but I can’t risk losing him. What should I do? It’s too late now.

I love you.

“Oceanna… What is it? You need to tell me so I can help you.” He holds my hand tightly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Res, I really am.”

Antares stuns upon hearing my apology. Worry is written all over his face, but now it’s laced with… what seems like fear. God, I think he knows he’s about to face his biggest fear.

I take a deep breath before I decide to drop the nuclear on him. “I’ve made a promise to always be honest with you, and for the life of me I cannot keep this one from you. But it‘s gonna hurt—I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, Res.”

“Oceanna, please go straight to the point. I can’t understand you like this; what’s going on?”

I choke. “Miles and I kissed.”

The air went cold. His hands fall to his side, his shoulders droop. He looks at me in disbelief.

“You and Miles… what?”

I find myself start panicking as I’m trying to explain. “We were talking about the past, trying to find closure. But I bet both of us were vulnerable—he just visited his childhood house, and I’ve been living with broken hearts upon seeing him so broken. And then it just… happened. But I promise you it was just a kiss. Nothing else happened.”