“Shook the best when your love was home, storing up on your summer glow— You went in search of someone else.”

Novo Amor - Anchor

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Cold is the air when Haven finally arrives in front of Ramiel’s unit. Usually, this was her favorite time of the day; when she got to come home to someone who would immediately envelope her inside his embrace, easing whatever burden she carried from work. However, this time she’s not sure the burden she carries could be erased simply by hugs and kisses. She puts in the pass code and goes in.

The apartment is dim, none of the lights are on. Haven tries to see through the mild darkness when she figures out Ramiel was sitting on the balcony, holding a bottle of wine that seems to be his second drink, and the bottle of whatever drink he finished before scattered under his bare feet. Haven throws away her bag and comes to Ramiel immediately. “Oh my God Sayang… What happened to you?”

This is the first time she saw him like this: disheveled, drunk, while still wearing his blue-striped shirt from work. He smiles when he sees Haven and the smell of alcohol hits Haven’s nose as soon as she’s on his side. “You’re here! You come…” He puts his whole weight on Haven, and she’s standing wobbly as she tries to keep Ramiel stands on his feet. “Babe, sober up. This isn’t you.”

Ramiel ignores Haven’s plea and continues to empty the bottle down his throat. Haven takes away the bottle and tries to guide Ramiel back in without stepping on the broken glass. “What’s wrong with you?? You didn’t call the whole day. You didn’t reply to my message. I’ve never seen you this drunk before —what happened?” She keeps asking as she brings Ramiel to his room —that’s when she notices an open luggage under his closet, filled with Bally’s shopping bags she saw earlier today.

He didn’t answer any of Haven’s questions and dunks immediately into the bed and under the duvet. “It’s cold.”

Haven turns off the air conditioner. Her heart hurts —she doesn’t know which emotions to feel first, her disappointment or her pity towards her lover? Her never-ending and never-answered questions, or his well-being and his need of space? “You’re going to London and you didn’t tell me.” She says in a betrayed voice, without hoping for any luck that he understands what she says. “Who is Eden? And what happened?”

Ramiel froze the moment Haven dropped the name. “Eden…”

“Yes, who is she—”

“WHY THE FUCK YOU DID THAT? WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?”

Haven looks at him in horror. Ramiel suddenly sits up straight, his eyes red and teary.

She doesn’t know this man. She doesn’t know him at all —even after two years.

“You should never let me live… You should’ve never saved me…” Ramiel’s lost in between his low sobs, he’s curling back inside the duvet and whispering into the pillow. “It should be me… Not you… We shouldn’t have come to the farmer’s market… It’s all my fault… It’s all my fault… I’m sorry…”

Haven wants to cry out loud —but all she can do is holding it in, while slipping under the duvet and hugging Ramiel, keeping him from breaking apart. She decides that it’s not time for her personal agenda, it’s not time for an explanation —all she wants to do is helping this man she loves.

But, how?

Fuck.

Fuck… His head is hurting so bad. And the sound of the alarm is hurting him too. Everything hurts. Even the surface of his duvet is hurting his skin. The light is too bright it hurts to open his eyes.