“We were just getting to the good part, you know, and I think that we got too close to the real thing; still love you when nobody's watching—guess we found perfect too soon.”

https://open.spotify.com/track/4XD4SEaZlaDXVgODmThGzO?si=zQd5b_UTSu2v99uZSKtoJw

Jakarta, 31 May 2024, 8 PM.

My heart felt like it had sunk to the bottom of the ocean when I dropped off of my car and saw Miles waited for me in front of the restaurant.

He waited by the door—not even at the table.

Blame it on Jakarta’s mad traffic and its decision to rain heavily out of nowhere, in the middle of this drought, today; that the initial plan had to get adjusted and we had to meet directly at the restaurant instead. Blame it on me and my poor mind these past days, fighting the demons on my own, on how to not fall in love with Miles Segara. And here’s the #1 reason to.

“June comes early, and dammit, how pretty.”

“STOPPP.” Pretty sure he was talking about the month since today was the last day of May—but I hoped he was talking about me.

He laughed easily, unlike how I first met him. He’s glowing under the dim light of the restaurant and all eyes were on him, like how the star should be.

But his eyes were on me, the whole time.

And that’s the reason #2. My other demons shrank as they’re trying to talk some sense into my poor heart, but even they knew it’s a losing battle at this point.

He showed me the pictures he took during his work in Bali; of sunrise, of Balinese people, of flowers, of glistening waters. He talked about his upcoming project, and how grateful he was for what he’s doing right now.

And then, he talked about his mother. She thrived, living in Singapore with her sister, but he missed her terribly.

“It’s one hour away,” I encouraged him.

“Well, maybe later? When I no longer remind her of Dad.”

So I reached for his hand—hoping that every gentle squeeze could convey that my heart was breaking for him, that he’s deserving for all the good things in life. His smile had let me know that he knew what I meant.

“It’s easier now, June. You taught me to breathe easy.”

We’re at reason #3 and I was already on the verge of crying, for I knew that this was both the best decision and the worst mistake I could’ve possibly made. How do you fall in love, by the way? How long is considered too fast when it comes to falling in love—a month? A week? I couldn’t even remember when did my heart started to beat faster when my mind recalled his name. All that I cared about was did he smile today? Did we see the same memes on the internet and we laughed in unison despite being in different places? Did he remember me when he laughed?