“Setting fires to our insides for fun, to distract our hearts from ever missing them.” Youth, Daughter.

https://spotify.link/hvD9Y4ifrDb

It’s ten past eight when Ramiel arrives in front of Haven’s unit. He knows the passcode already, so he goes inside and welcomed by Loony, Haven’s siamese cat.

“Miss me much, miss Loony?”

Ramiel picks her up as she scoots in between Ramiel’s legs. He was never a cat person until Loony stole his heart.

“She smells nice. Baru di-grooming?”

“Iya, kemaren dia agak diare gitu so she needed one. But she’s fine, now.” Haven menjawab tanpa berdiri dari sofa tempat dia duduk, matanya menatap layar televisi yang menayangkan serial Netflix yang tengah diikutinya.

“Dari kantor langsung?”

“Yup. Baru selesai drafting jam 7 tadi, trus sempet meeting strategi bentar but I chose to leave early. The case is too vague and the clients are still hiding a lot of things it’s hard to commence a strategy this early.” Ramiel melepas dasinya, lalu dia menghempaskan badannya di samping Haven. He knew that there’s still some tension in the air —Haven isn’t someone who could let things go easily. “Are you still angry at me?”

“Angry, no.” Haven meletakkan remote control dan menatap Ramiel yang terlihat lelah. Honestly, she kinda wants to let things go seeing how tired he is tonight; but she knows the feeling will linger and it will cause unnecessary conflicts in the future. “Do you have energy to talk about this? Or do we need a pause?”

“I’m okay. I don’t want to put you on a cliffhanger or something. Also I really need a hug tonight, so let’s just talk it out and mend.”

Haven tersenyum sambil mengusap pipi Ramiel. She can never stay mad at him for too long.

“So, what was that?”

“The empty fridge thingy?”

“Yes. Not only about the tone, but also about the decision to keep it empty with the electricity bills still running. That’s a waste.”

Ramiel lets out a big sigh. The light was dim, but Haven can see his eyes flicker with some kind of emotion she never encountered before. She has always known Ramiel as someone who is stable, calm, and composed. He’s not someone who shows a lot of emotions, but he makes sure that Haven knows he cares about her. However, tonight she sees him falters for the first time.

“I haven’t told you a lot of things, and I apologize for that.” Ramiel starts. His voice is heavy with some kind of feelings —almost feels like it’s in pain, and he avoids her eyes, as if he’s trying to recover the memories through thin air carefully without hurting both of them.

“There’s… a part of my life that I’m trying really hard to make peace with, and I think I’m still on a long way to go. Even tonight, maybe I wouldn’t be able to tell you the complete story —yet, but I promise you I will share you every details of it when I’m ready. Could you please accept that about me?”

Haven looks at Ramiel in hesitation, but she nods.

“I…” Ramiel tries to gather his composure, but even when he’s finally able to, Haven still notices a trace of agony within his shaky voice. “I lost someone in my past, Ven. Someone very significant. And I haven’t been able to deal with my grief properly, if anything, I don’t want to at some point.